I’m 62 and getting married for the third time. I purchased my subsequent spouse an attractive $7,000 diamond engagement ring. Do you assume it will be OK to ask her to cross it on to my daughter after she passes?
Engaged to be Married
Nothing says I like you want, “P.S. Whenever you cross, I’d such as you to cross this on to my daughter.” Or, “I’ve had two wives already, and I’ve misplaced two rings to posterity. My daughter deserves this one.” Or how about, “Since we’re getting married and planning to spend the remainder of our lives collectively, let’s discuss what occurs to this $7,000 chunk of change in your finger after you die. It looks as if a disgrace to take it with you and, if you happen to have been cremated, they’d should take away it anyway. So I’ve a plan to maintain this diamond within the household. Hear me out earlier than you open the ring field…”
Nothing says I like you want, ‘Let’s discuss what occurs to this $7,000 chunk of change in your finger after you die.’
OK, I’m clearly taking your request to the acute, however it speaks to my level that it’s in all probability not a good suggestion to convey up the topic of your fiancée’s premature demise whenever you give her an engagement ring. She ought to have at the least 5 minutes to bask in some dream time and picture your life collectively, and the way romantic will probably be earlier than you convey her again all the way down to earth with a request that basically says you’re giving her the appropriate to put on this ring for her lifetime, however after that it goes to your daughter since you did, in spite of everything, spend $7,000 on it.
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For those who don’t really feel snug giving her this engagement ring outright, it is best to in all probability (a) give her one thing else on your engagement (possibly a trip in some superb place) or (b) stay single. Don’t give her a hoop with circumstances connected. That successfully places finance forward of romance. Whereas it’s all the time a good suggestion to map out your monetary targets earlier than you get married and focus on housing and even a prenuptial settlement if considered one of you brings extra property into the connection, an engagement ring ought to be exempt from that.
Don’t give your fiancée a hoop with circumstances connected. That successfully places finance forward of romance.
There’s some precedent for treating engagement rings as an ATM machine, nonetheless. Almost one-in-four millennials stated they might haven’t any downside promoting their engagement ring to pay for a home or school, based on a 2016 survey launched by WP Diamonds, an organization that focuses on the recycling of diamonds. Lower than one-quarter of older generations really feel the identical manner. This tallies with a slew of research that conclude younger Individuals worth experiences over stuff. They don’t really feel tied by the identical social conventions as their dad and mom and even older siblings.
Additionally see: Do Individuals marry for love or cash? Lastly, a solution
Extravagant diamond rings are a comparatively current phenomenon. Males spend a median of $6,351 on an engagement ring, up 25% in six years, based on a 2017 survey of 14,000 U.S. adults who’re engaged or just lately married and use the marriage web site The Knot. The social expectation for engagement rings was truly created by jewellery and diamond firms within the first half of the 20th century, and it later grew to become a convention in films. Giving a diamond ring to mark an engagement goes again to the “A Diamond is Endlessly” marketing campaign by the DeBeers diamond firm, which trademarked the sentiment. It was written by copywriter Frances Gerety in 1947.
In some states, the present of an engagement ring solely turns into full after you say, ‘I do,’ on the wedding ceremony ceremony.
You’re additionally not the one one to see a diamond ring as a present that comes with strings connected. Final 12 months, a younger lawyer in D.C. sued his fiancée for the $100,000 four.06-carat engagement ring he gave her. He referred to as it a “conditional present.” (Household regulation varies by state, however in New York Metropolis and Washington, D.C. the present of an engagement ring solely turns into full on the wedding ceremony ceremony.) It’s extraordinarily beneficiant of you to purchase a $7,000 ring, however solely spend an quantity that might allow you to provide an unconditional present. That manner, your third spouse won’t ever should surprise if will probably be pulled off her finger and quietly handed over to your daughter after she dies.
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